messages not in a bottle

Image credit: Sarah Meggs

Messages not in a bottle …

Do you remember me saying to you last time that our human pets think us unable to read? Some of my favourite reads are the Terry Pratchett novels my he-human pet has on his book-without-pages-but-lights-up-for-reading- from-device. And my favourite she-hero is Delphine Angua von Überwald. Mr Pratchett was a very clever human to realise just what sniffs are to us dogs. He describes it so well and Angua’s conversations with Gaspode prove that at least one human understands us.

I still do not comprehend how humans can survive without being aware of all the information in sniffs. I live with my human pets in a human kennel where two hiss-at-yous used to live with their human pets. My goodness, the problems I am having updating the information left around the place – especially the garden – it’s exhausting. My human pets are busy busy busy wasting time splashing smelly-thick-coloured-water all over the house. I am not allowed to go near the pots of smelly-thick-coloured-water although why I would want to when there is important redecoration to be done is beyond me.

It’s not just the new kennel where the human pets don’t use their noses. Walking around the market town of Tavistock they quite often go straight past the best smelling places. Especially the cheese shop behind the Pannier Market. Now there are some impressive sniffs coming from that shop. Town trips can be quite embarrassing too. Only last week I was told to “sit” on a cold wet pavement. I ask you what self-respecting dog would do that when there was a much more appropriate place to park my tail?

That, dear readers brings me to another phone of contention – why do my human pets spend so much time tapping little boxes to send messages. They think that they have invented something new – but dogs perfected social media many, many, generations ago. And as for Pmail well we were there first as well. Hmmm I really must try harder to make them understand. Maybe I need to use higher value treats when I am training them – I dug up some particularly smelly fluff whilst rearranging the garden – maybe that will help. My she-human is always quick to take things from the garden off of me when I bring them into the house so they must be her absolute favourite.

Coming next: training your human to walk responsibly on Dartmoor…


Meriadoc Brandybuck-Meggs
Devon, England, 10th August 2017

meriadocAbout the Author: Meriadoc Brandybuck-Meggs is a Dorset born and bred gentleman recently migrated to Devon. In his maturing 12 years he has accrued a wealth of insight and knowledge about how to train human pets.He loves the outdoors, especially when there is natural, cooling, (preferably muddy) water.


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