Relationships are hard sometimes! No-one ever said it would be easy. And most people find that the path of communicating with others is strewn with rocks and boulders along the way. It isn’t always easy to find the best route through, you need to choose your way carefully and sensitively.
A key method to improve relationships requires both compassionate listening and a mutual understanding of each other’s needs. It can be a fine balance between your position, and the other person’s. We need to remember to always be clear and not blur the issues. Don’t over-complicate or confuse. And it is important to be truthful to ourselves, yet fully aware of the situation that we are in.
Are there times when you have felt misunderstood?
Is what you were going to say clear inside your head, but as soon as the words spill out of your mouth, it all seems to go awry? I find one of the most difficult things for me is to somehow get across what it is I need, at that particular time, in a way that is respectful of others.
We learn our communication skills from way, way back. From our very early years as young children. We subconsciously took in all that was happening around us and interpreted it in our child-like way. And depending on what family of birth we were born into, there are many different ways we could have turned out.
Indoctrinated Behaviours and Beliefs
Boys don’t cry, girls must be quiet and well behaved, children must be seen and not heard. These statements, and ones like these, were repeatedly told to us, over and over again. And of course, what about all the hang-ups we have around punishment? If you did something ‘wrong’ you were punished, that was how it was. It was considered normal to chastise and scold your child if they displeased you. And even worse, it was also considered normal to smack your child. Even the teachers at the school did. I remember other kids in the class, normally the boys, getting caned, with a stick or ruler. It wasn’t nice for anyone to witness, let alone the poor young child in the wrong.
Challenging Old Habits
Shame came into it as well, shame on not fitting in, and on not being ‘good enough.’ When you think about it, those early childhood times have a lasting effect on you and your personality. In the coming weeks I am going to look at ways in which we can challenge some of these old dinosaurs and habits that are buried and lying dormant, deep, deep inside us. We are going to focus on how we can get across to others what it is we want, without harming or upsetting them. We can learn about taking responsibility for our feelings whilst being respectful of others.
I hope you join me in finding steps to help improve our communications with others.
Check out more of my Monday Motivation Blogs HERE.
About the Author: Carole Langman works behind the scenes at Bowerland Cottage Holidays and Devon Dogs as the Business Manager. Her office is always a hive of activity, and with the vast amounts of work Carole has, we never really know how she gets through it all! To unwind, she loves gardening, hikes around Bowerland, travelling and writing.